Unintended tactical errors by well meaning friends during marital discord

Researched  Errors by  Friends Relatives In Marital Issues 

•Denial that extreme dysfunction has already commenced

•Wishing it away – oh this much is normal.

•Act as judge. Taking sides

•jumping to conclusions. Simplistic assessment. blaming of one spouse for all ills.

•Ignoring intimate childhood/family history of one or the other spouse.

•Not aware of unique family dynamics / core issues , even when dysfunction is already prevailing

•Acting god (in good faith of course) – imagining to know it allow to resolve etc.

•Acting pushy – forcing solutions on either spouses, based on preconceived ideas, mismatched with the situation.

•Maligning one or the other – behind doors if not openly.

•Unwittingly enabling dysfunction by taking sides with abusive partner, unawares.

•Erroneous social bias and false-notion of gender-exclusive aggrievement 

RECOMMENDED HELP BY FAMILY FRIENDS : REMOVE STIGMA OF THERAPY

•Approach family help as a selfless social service –  help save a family. Once in a lifetime opportunity.

•Acknowledge that family dysfunction is prevailing. DO NOT deny dysfunction.

•Avoid harsh judgments. Be neutral.

•Encourage the disturbed couple to seek professional assistance. Do not shy from it.

• It’s the best help you can EVER offer.

•Remove social stigma of professional counselling. Marriage  therapy at any age - is not a crime. It is the safest and fastest route to full recovery of marriage.

• Long term family dysfunction results in litigation/breakup ***

•Human problems differ. Someone needs a pathology doctor. Someone needs  a marriage counselor. Both have power to heal. Worldwide, counselling heals countless families.

•Less time is needed to heal by friends working in sync with professional help, than deal  with cost and time of litigation, and disaster of breakup.

REQUIREMENT OF FRIENDS AS CATALSYT-VECTORS FOR HEALING MARITAL DISCORD  

RECOMMENDED APPROACH BY FAMILY FRIENDS 

•Preserve your own good equation with both spouses. They’re going through a rough patch. Very delicate time.Outwardly things appear normal but there are hidden undercurrents that need professional handling ONLY. (not implying ostracizing the couple till discord resolved either)

•Avoid taking hasty sides. Avoid pushing solutions either way.

•Avoid gossip about a confided problem .

•Widely observed =  friends in conjunction with professionals, have saved a marriage where blood relations have failed badly.

•Relax. In helping someone you’re not to carry a mountain of burden.

•Only agree with focused intervention advised by an experienced professional.

•Have Intent to bring selfless service to a family, that can heal with your timely aid.

•YOU WONT NEED to get involved, minute by minute or even on daily basis

•Only  brief interventions in sync with professional at apt moments is sufficient.

•In numerous cases help from mature friends brings lasting resolution.

•Huge selfless help to an unknowing suffering child in family discord.

REMEMBER FRIENDS / FAMILY MUST NOT DISCONNECT FROM THE COUPLE AT THIS STAGE. INSTEAD THEY MUST REMAIN CONNECTED AS PRIOR.BUT ONLY DIFFERENCE IS - SYNC WITH A PROFESSIONAL FOR POSITIVE LONGTERM RESOLUTION