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IMPORTANT SIGNS THAT YOU SHOULD SEE A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR

November 11, 2023 1726 comments

One of the most difficult things humans ask of themselves is to stay in a long-term, committed relationship. Disagreements, disputes, and clashes are unavoidable when you live with another person. 

The question is whether you and your partner value your relationship enough to survive the storm.

The answer is no in 45 percent of first marriages, 60 percent of second marriages, and 73 percent of third marriages. 

Regardless of your differences, your marriage does not have to end in divorce. Couples can learn to resolve conflicts, communicate more effectively, and rekindle the spark that previously fueled their love via marriage counselling.

The key is to recognise that every long-term relationship or marriage needs a significant level of effort and commitment on both sides. Your life is no longer simply about you when you're in a committed relationship. 

You and your partner merge into one person who thrives on giving and receiving.

Marriage counselling treatment may be your last opportunity of moving forward as a couple if your marriage is in trouble. Continue reading for important signals that you should seek marriage counselling.

1. You or your partner have lost interest in something.

Most people believe that hate is the antonym of love. Hate, on the other hand, gives a sense of passion and concern. As a result, the polar opposite of love is indifference, not hatred.

Couple counselling may be necessary if you or your partner have reached a stage in your relationship where you no longer care enough to fight or disagree.

This comprises:

1.Ignoring your spouse's distress 

2.Brushing aside problems rather than expressing your opinions

3.Not wanting to spend time with the other 

4.Unconcerened  if your sex life is in trouble 

5.Not caring if infidelity (yours or theirs) occurs 

3.Not wanting to spend time with the other 

7.Not worrying about your spouse's whereabouts

8.A overall lack of enthusiasm for their lives

2. Virtually all communication is negative or results in fights.

As previously mentioned, apathy can be a symptom that you need marriage counselling. Too much emotion, on the other hand, might be harmful. Passion that goes out of bounds, like a fire, may be dangerous.

If you and your spouse are having trouble getting along because every conversation ends in a fight or an argument, it's likely due to a serious communication failure. 

This can lead to spouses becoming extra sensitive, reactive, or acting hurtfully when there is no cause to.

Genuine conversation and growth might be practically impossible in this type of dysfunctional engagement. A skilled therapist may be able to assist you and your spouse in recovering from a bad argument and improving your communication.

3. You or your partner lies or conceals information.

When people start harbouring secrets from one another, relationship counselling may be required. 

While complete honesty should be the objective of every marriage, there is an unwritten law regarding what constitutes permissible white lies. A wife might tell her husband that his paunch is barely visible, while a husband can tell his wife that she is the most talented/gracious/beautiful lady in the entire neighbourhood.

But, when partners begin to lie to one another or hold secrets about important matters, it may indicate a deeper problem in the relationship.

 It could indicate that you no longer trust your spouse with specific knowledge or feelings, like you're doing something you shouldn't be doing, or that you no longer care enough to talk openly with them.

4. Your relationship isn't intimate enough

After the first few years of marriage, all couples struggle to maintain the same level of physical closeness. It's perfectly natural. 

If you find it difficult to be intimate with your spouse or perceive a lack of closeness from them, it may be time to seek counselling.

Counseling can help you re-ignite the sparks of your relationship and get things back on track if there is a lack of intimacy that both people are aware of and concerned about.

5. You see each other as adversaries

If you or your partner views the other as the "real villain" , you may benefit from marriage counselling. 

Humans have a tendency to think in terms of "adversaries," continuously separating ourselves from others.

That is not how a healthy marriage works. 

Regardless of who is to blame, you and your partner must accept that you are in this relationship together. You're not opponents; you're a partnership.

6. You or your partner have committed adultery

Infidelity in a relationship can be a difficult obstacle to overcome. It's a breach of trust that may be difficult to repair. Unfaithful partners, on the other hand, rarely act without cause.

 Both couples must recognise that it is frequently the result of a marriage breakdown.

 Yes, this can be sexual, but it can also be emotional. Men who do not feel appreciated by their wives, as well as women who do not feel treasured by their husbands, are more likely to cheat. 

However, loneliness is the major cause of adultery.

7. You keep having the same arguments

In any relationship, there are major challenges. They frequently come from emotional baggage, which might date back to before the partnership began. They can, however, be created by a spouse's activities in the relationship.

Some challenges that couples face will be permanent. Couples will argue about these problems for the rest of their marriage.

 Respect, compassion, and humour are essential because these concerns are linked to underlying values, personality, and temperament, which will not alter.

Other concerns can be resolved with reasonable adjustment  skills on both partners' parts.

 Often, a couple may need marriage therapy to assist them distinguish between solvable and unsolvable challenges, as well as gain the necessary skills to handle them.

8. Financial problems and conflicts

Furthermore, while it may not appear to be a huge concern, hiding, lying, or harbouring financial secrets is a key symptom of relationship trouble. 

Financial cheating is real, and lying about how you spend your money is a major problem.

This includes applying for credit cards, bank accounts, and loans without the knowledge of the other. 

This problem can be complex because it can be both a permanent and a solved one, necessitating the need of therapy services to figure out how to proceed.

In newer relationships with separate bank accounts, it's generally assumed that once all joint bills and costs are paid, each individual can do whatever they want with their money.

But making undisclosed purchases isn't fair to the other partner when couples share bank accounts.

Conclusion 

While many people wait until their marital troubles are overwhelming before getting help, doing so early on can be beneficial and improve your experience.

You may have a better grasp of your relationship troubles and whether or not you need marriage counselling after reading this article.

 If that's the case, remember that working hard and getting help to heal or strengthen your marriage is perfectly acceptable.

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